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Joke of the Day

"Friends are a lot like snowmen... They tend to go away when you piss on them."

"[Pizza falls on the ground] Hold HOLD! -Germ boss telling his minions not to jump on the pizza until it's been a full five seconds."

"Jehovah's Witnesses don't celebrate Halloween. I guess they don't appreciate random people knocking at their doors all the time."

"Got a job at McDonald's as a secret agent for the Burger King."

"My dog cant hear me yelling at him to stop chasing squirrels, but he can hear a damn cheese wrapper from 500 miles away"

"Neil deGrasse Tyson walks into a bar. Everyone leaves. ""EVERYONE?"" he chuckles to himself. ""7.4 billion humans couldn't fit in this space."""

"Why hasn't anyone invented alcohol that acts as birth control too?"

"Why did the gambler think he was in heaven? He found his pair a' dice!"

"What's the difference between Japanese people and their food? Americans eat the food after they nuke it."

"Where did little sally go after the explosion? Everywhere"