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Joke of the Day

"These Egyptian fireworks are nice. Oh wait, they are planes."

"Did you hear what happened when Oedipus got flu? He became one sick mother fucker."

"What do fruit punch and a punch to the face have in common? Both can knock you out at a party."

"Really, there's no need to ever take your kids anywhere fun because they can just sit and complain at home for a lot less money."

"How did the hipster burn his tongue? He drank his tea before it was cool."

"If you're American when you go into the toilet, and Asian when you come out, what are you on the toilet? European!"

"they can't date any hot chicks #SnowmanDatingProblems"

"A vegan, an atheist, and a crossfitter walk into a bar... They've all heard this joke before."

"I can't watch porn with a storyline cause I get too invested and end up worrying about the delivery man losing his job for taking so long :("

"I love animals, but I'm thinking of getting rid of my pet anaconda. It keeps taking horse sized dumps. Also, all my horses have gone missing."