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Joke of the Day

"I don't care how old I am, if I go out to eat and there are crayons and paper placemats with puzzles... game on!"

"Grandma walks into a butcher's shop Grandma: ""Hi, I'd like to buy one baloney."" Butcher: ""Pre-sliced or in one piece?"" Grandma lifts her skirt and says: ""Does this look like a CD player to you?"""

"the smiley face :) emoticon was invemted becuase, for som reason, peopel are no longer comfortabel with using the words ""i am happy"""

"The number of Pina coladas I drank on vacation is this (my daughter doesn't want to cruise with me again) many."

"When it comes to Pope vs. Trump, do you take the side of the guy who wears that ridiculous thing on his head or the Pope?"

"How do men in New Zealand address their women? ""Hey! Ewe!"""

"What's the bet part about having sex with twenty two year olds? There's twenty of them!"

"Reasons I think I might be a puppet vampire: 1. Ah ha ha! 2. Ah ha ha! 3. Ah ha ha!"

"I figured out why republicans are all over the place this election cycle. If you walk without rythm, it won't attract the Bern... I'll see myself out."

"Why can't you trick an aborted baby? (NSFL/NSFW) Because it wasn't born yesterday."