112246

Joke of the Day

"My wife thought her water broke so we went to emergency. Turns out her bong just has a crack in it or something."

"hanging out at the pet store, teaching all the birds cuss words"

"Guys I finally came up with a name for our character: Spongebob ""Perfect!"" Thanks ""What's his last name?"" Oh, uh- *looks at pic* Squarepants"

"The year is 42069. We've stopped changing the date, it's just always the year 42069 and people spell their names with emojis. It's awesome."

"George Washington's bark was from the same tree as his bite."

"What's the similarity between smoking a cigarette and eating pussy? The taste changes the closer you get to the butt."

"Local news is like Facebook. You get stories you don't care about, some jerk talks about weather and it all ends with pictures of animals doing funny stuff."

"It really hurts for me to say this but... I have a sore throat."

"""I love it when you call me Big Papa."" -obese Dad who's comfortable in his own skin to his child"

"How Many Hillary Supporters Does It Take To Screw In A Lightbulb? Why NONE of course, they prefer to remain in the dark!"