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Joke of the Day

"I told my girlfriend two sentences ""We need to buy a new car."" ""I am thinking about taking a break."" She started crying. I mean, she could have just said she didn't like that type of cars."

Next Joke
 
"I've been alive for 25 years, only a fraction of a second compared to the age of the universe but still measureable. Unlike your mom."
"Give a man a fish, he can eat for a day. Give a man another fish, ""Hey man where's that fish I gave you Monday? YOU ATE IT?! IT WAS A PET!!"""
"What do you get when you're outside too long on a cold night? (OC) Arcdick"
"How many Hillary Clinton's does it take to screw in a light bulb?. How many Hillary Clinton's does it take to screw in a light bulb? I belive GE is a corner stone of the American economy."
"Need to call in a hot female carpenter to fix this morning wood."
"If I had a dollar... If i had a dollar for every racist comment i've ever made, a black guy would probably mug me."
"Where do dogs shop for groceries? Wagmans."
"Whenever someone says ""Let's kill two birds with one stone"", I wonder what they did wrong. Probably some kind of religious violation."
"Jack and Jill... .....went up the hill so he could lick her candy, but jack got a shock and a mouth full of cock, cause Jill now identifies as a male and had gotten sex change surgery a week before."