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Joke of the Day

"I told my girlfriend two sentences ""We need to buy a new car."" ""I am thinking about taking a break."" She started crying. I mean, she could have just said she didn't like that type of cars."

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"How do you get to Carnegie Hall? take a taxi"
"So i was fucking this midget with one arm (nsfw) Boy, is my arm tired."
"what did the trash can say to the paper recycling bin? 'you're just white trash'"
"[buys ghostbusters ringtone] ME: who ya gonna call? [1 hour later] ME: who ya gonna call?! [2 days later] ME: *sobbing* I am so lonely"
"Do you know what my least favorite thing about drinking goats milk is? Getting the grass stains off my back."
"30/05/2016 Whenever i have sex, it's a race to see who comes first. Me or the police"
"How do you steal a coat? You jacket"
"A roman centurion walked into a bar, raised his hand and signed the waiter to get him 2 martini. The waiter gave him 5 instead."
"How did the Edward Impersonator annoy /r/jokes? He feigned ted."