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Joke of the Day

"[first day as a bartender] Customer: gimme a scotch on the rocks Me [scrunching towel into glass]: I know lemonade, I can do lemonade"

"What happen when you put Einstein in a -20C clean room? You get a solid-state frizzicist."

"Why do scuba divers fall off the boat backwards? Because is they fell forward they'd land in the boat."

"I organised a day of sponsored bungee jumping for the local disabled group... Perhaps calling it 'spastic on elastic' wasn't one of my greatest ideas..."

"The prince didn't mind living in his father's luxurious house but some days it was hard living in the chateau of his father"

"A guy just came into this restaurant by himself, ordered a plate of olives, ate them, and left. If you see something, say something."

"Dad can I? A young man went up to his father and asks ""Can I have twenty bucks for a blow job?"" His father says ""I don't know. Are you any good?"""

"Being a vegan makes no sence. My food is vegan so I dont have to be. Edit: Sense"

"Why did the semen cross the road? I put on the wrong sock this morning"

"If you can't celebrate Valentine's Day with someone you love, celebrate it with alcohol and pizza."