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Joke of the Day

"Friend: What happened? 15yo me: *arm in a sling* Got hit by 2 buses. Friend: What happened? 37yo me: *in a full body cast* I sneezed weird."

"They say you learn alot from your first relationship Ya! That's why i'm not having a second"

"Did you hear about the psychic dwarf that escaped prison transport? The police spokesperson said they have a small medium at large."

"Remember they're just as afraid of seeing you dance as you are of dancing."

"A guy got a hundred dollar bill tattooed on his dick... Now he can play with his money, watch it grow, and you can't find a girl who can't blow a hundred dollars."

"What is the slowest racehorse in the world ? A clotheshorse !"

"Stop complaining about your relationship if you're gonna stay in it, dumb ass b*tches.."

"My mate got run over this morning by a limousine, it took fucking ages..."

"Still trying to figure out how to compliment a woman's skin without sounding like I want to wear it"

"Honey, we should really think about becoming parents. I mean, we've already had the kids."