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Joke of the Day

"Women reflect on the entire pie while men fixate about eating whatever slice they can get their hands on."

"I hope people think my toddler has a slight English accent bc we're so cultured and not bc she's basically been raised by Peppa Pig"

"St. Bernards are dogs living in the Swiss Alps who search for lost travellers, skiers and mountaineers. That's how they survive the winters."

"bought 30 treadmills & placed them around the perimeter of house, when zombies attack my house they will just keep walking for days"

"Trust me, it might sound like a clever idea, but if you're being frisked by a hot TSA agent, do NOT tell her, ""my balls are the bomb."""

"How do you piss off thousands of people on the internet all at once? [deleted]"

"When are minorities not minorities? When you look at crime statistics."

"Did you all hear about this morning after pill? Or what I like to call breakfast in bed."

"What's the most poular Christmas carol in the desert? Oh caaamel ye faithful."

"I've been called the Trump of the bedroom... Because sex with me builds up emotional walls that they end up paying for."