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Joke of the Day

"ME (wakes up from coma): whatve I missed WIFE: Trump's running for prez & the Cubs are favs to win the World Series M: haha ok but srsly tho"

"""My computer asked me for an 8 character password."" For some reason it didn't accept snow white and the seven dwarves."

"Taylor Swift's next album is going to be another break-up album. It will be about her split with Spotify."

"Locked myself out of my office 3 times today if anyone's looking for a responsible adult"

"I've always taught my children that no matter what race or religion, all good looking people deserve respect."

"Date: ""You're very tall! Do you play basketball?"" Me: ""You're very fat. Are you a sumo wrestler?"""

"What's the difference between a pot head and a person who physically abuses children? One is good at rolling blunts, the other is good at bowling runts."

"What's a frogs favourite flower ? A croakus !"

"Fifty Shades of Grey beat the record for fastest selling R-rated movie in history... Well, first it tied the record... then it beat it.... [credit goes to the Late Night with Seth Meyers writers]"

"I fell in love with a cannibal And then she stole my heart"