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Joke of the Day

"I saw a man struggling in the sea today shouting "" Help, shark! Help!"" I just laughed because I knew the shark wouldn't help him. Heard from my 10 year old cousin."

"Well, I've reached that awkward t-shirt size between 'XL' and 'killing myself.'"

"Sitting across from a table of cops at a restaurant and convinced im going to get arrested for how gross I look eating this chicken wrap"

"Two Russian pilots in Syria - Hi, what have you been doing today? - Bombing the ISIS headquarters... - Which one, the main headquarters? - No man, the main headquarters is on the other continent..."

"A religious family member literally said ""Spongebob goes too far sometimes"" and I can not stop laughing."

"What is a sure way to pleasure 9 out of 10 people? Gang rape."

"Shopkeeper: Stop! you can't smoke here. Me: But I bought the it from your shop. Shopkeeper: We also sell condoms but that doesn't mean.. but you don't use them here!"

"Who named their company after your dick? Bill Gates."

"My 1 yr old only says the words ""no,"" ""mine,"" and ""bye"" and I tried it out and it turns out that's actually all you need."

"My math teacher used to call me average.... It was mean."