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Joke of the Day

"What did the diver say to the oyster? I want that pearl! Don't be shellfish!"

"""Hi, I'm calling for info on your bicycle on Craigslist."" It's heavy, brown, has new shoes, and loves carrots. It's definitely not a horse."

"What did the policeman say to his belly button? You're under a vest!"

"Give a man a fish, where's he supposed to put it? Get away from him you weirdo."

"What did all the boys from the hood call the Pillsbury Dough boy after he got super baked? Cracker."

"Wife:Did you take ambien last night? Me: *recalls riding a unicorn that's on fire* No, why? W:The dog's wearing a saddle and she's orange."

"A Board Game Walks into a Bar... The bartender says, ""look, we don't want any Trouble!"""

"I was fucking my secretary up the arse when my wife walked in. She said, ""You can't do this to me!"" I said, ""I know... that's why I'm doing it to her."

"Did you hear the one about the Seahawk who wouldn't stop talking? He kept beating a dead horse."

"Men and women were created equal, but women continued to improve."