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Joke of the Day

"Wait, what's that noise? Is there a dying cat outside? Oh...no...it's just a 50 yr old man racing a remote control car down the road."

"ATC: ""Cessna G-ABCD What are your intentions? "" Cessna: ""To get my Commercial Pilots Licence and Instrument Rating."" ATC: ""I meant in the next five minutes not years."""

"What's the difference between a Jew and a pizza? I don't like my pizza burnt."

"How too make a redditor gets mad. Oh is easy. All you need are too fuck you're English."

"How does the moon cut his hair Eclipse it"

"Getting a cat is SO much easier. Go outside. Put cat food out. Pet whatever comes to eat it. Best 30 raccoons I've ever had. Also rabies."

"Why was Anakin Skywalker king of the pub crawl? Because he killed all the Yuenglings."

"How do you know when someone's read the Game of Thrones books? Don't worry, they'll tell you."

"What's a martini's favorite garnish? Olive 'em!"

"I've never understood why new pencils come unsharpened... Seems pretty pointless to me."