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Joke of the Day

"my sixth birthday party was so formal that we roberted for apples"

"I have a joke about fish and herbs. But I don't think now is the thyme or the plaice to tell it."

"A Post-It note on every wine bottle at home that just says DON'T CUT YOUR HAIR AGAIN THAT WAS BAD"

"*buying teacher's gifts* 7: Mrs. J said she hates candles. Me: {recalling mountain of homework every night} Pumpkin Spice Candle it is then!"

"I called the cops about a murder on my front lawn and they just hung up. They said that couldn't do anything about crows and to stop calling."

"What should we call it when a man is beautiful? ""Footseveral?"" No but I feel like you're on the right track"

"Why did the christian girl like to be choked during sex? So she could be closer to God."

"Cheeseburger. Guy to Girl: Hey , do you know the difference between a cheeseburger and a blow job??? Girl: NO! Guy: I will take you out for lunch one day !"

"My bucket list is just the words ""afford things"" written in orange crayon on a paper towel."

"How to get a woman mad in 2 easy steps: 1. Take a picture of her. 2. Don't show it to her."