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Joke of the Day

"Barista: got a latte for ""Batman""! Is there a ""Batman"" here? *everyone looks at me* Me [dressed as Batman]: that's not me, my name is Jack"

"I sure talk a lot of crap for someone who can't spell ""Wednesday"" without having to say ""Wed-nes-day"" in my head."

"I just want to be fit enough to reach into my glove compartment, without crying."

"<--- 30 year old female who STILL snickers when the elevator door opens & the electronic voice says ""going down"". Never gets old."

"Thank Satan it's Monday."

"Roses are red Violeta are blue I have schizophrenia And so do I"

"Melania Trump released a statement about the alleged plagiarism. These accusation really hurt me, and my kids. Sasha and Malia."

"You hear about the highly-productive pastry factory that has trouble retaining employees? It has a high turnover rate."

"I found out why the Ringling Brothers Circus closed down. All the clowns moved to Washington D.C."

"What is the best way to circumcize a redneck? Kick his sister in the jaw."