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Joke of the Day

"I thought I had ADD because I have a hard time concentrating when I read books. But it turns out I'm just lazy and not very smart. Phew!"

"What does a soviet call someone with good vision? Glasnots."

"Why didn't the feminist shave her arm pits? Just kidding, just wanted to rile a few people up. But if you want to have a punchline contest, feel free."

"My wife has the body of a 16 year old schoolgirl... She keeps it in the fridge."

"Everybody's talking about the super obnoxious drunk guy at the bar last night. I was at that same bar and I didn't even notice him. Weird."

"How Am I Doing? I'll Tell You How I'm Doing Volumes: 1-8"

"How many Vietnam Vets does it take to change a light bulb? What, you don't know? Well I guess you weren't FUCKING THERE, MAN!"

"Q: Why does a blonde insist on him wearing a condom? A: So she can have a doggie bag for later."

"Apparently there's enough room in my mouth to put more than one foot."

"I don't know. ""Your goose is cooked"" seems like a positive. Like someone saying, ""Hey, dinner's ready. We're having goose."""