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Joke of the Day

"PRIEST: Do you take this this woman, to have and to hold, for better, for worse, until death do you part? ME: Well, now you made it weird."

"You can pick your friends, and you can pick your nose... But you can't pick your friend's nose"

"Yesterday I went to a temporary tattoo parlour to get a tattoo. After it wouldn't wash off this morning I went back to complain, but the tattoo parlour wasn't there."

"PREACHER: any prayer requests? 3 DUCKS IN A TRENCHCOAT (from the last pew): do the one about our daily bread"

"What is a pirate's favorite element? Gold."

"I've slept with every school teacher I've ever had. Yep, home schooling has its perks."

"If blind people wear sunglasses Shouldn't deaf people wear earmuffs?"

"""Full bath?"" ""Yes sir"" ""Double beds?"" ""Yes sir"" ""Pool?"" ""Yes sir"" ""Maid service?"" ""Yes sir"" ""WIFI?"" ""Yes sir"" ""Kids, I found a campsite!"""

"Why do trees seem suspicious on sunny days? I dunno, they just seem a bit shady."

"What's bad about being a black Jew? You have to sit in the back of the oven."