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Joke of the Day

"Don't describe two completely different things as ""apples and oranges"" they're both fruit Say something like ""elephants and crystal meth"""

"What do you call Islamic death metal? Allahu Rockbar."

"Two fish are in a tank One turns to the other and says: ""do you know how to drive this thing?"""

"I like when the ending credits show pictures from the episode I just watched. What a fun trip down memory lane."

"Some of you have had some fabulous public meltdowns this year. From all of us, thank you x"

"If a girl texts you and asks if you think she's fat and you try to respond ""Nooo"" autocorrect changes it to ""Moo"" so that's pretty cool."

"Apparently White men can't jump! Yeah? well black men can't act!"

"Note to self: Before committing any murders, get head and shoulders. Can't be leaving DNA all over the place."

"Saw some cows just standing around in a field doing absolutely nothing. Get a job, hippies."

"How can you tell if a mechanic went home for lunch? One of his fingers is clean"