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Joke of the Day

"Sir, your wife was stabbed ten times, but the missing piece is the murder weapon. So far we have nothing, Mr *checks notes* Scissorhands."

"When your momma taught you to look both ways she didn't meaa taught you to look both ways she didn't mean be two faced."

"If you think you have a stupid question, just remember NASA engineers once asked Sally Ride if 100 tampons were enough for a 7 day mission."

"q: What's got four legs, is fuzzy and green, and would kill you if it came out of a tree at you? a: A pool table."

"To the lady who keeps banging on my door at night.. I'm not letting you out."

"Fred: Did you hear about the Irish window cleaner who put a sign at the top of his ladder? Harry: What did the sign say? Fred: Stop."

"Why did Princess Diana cross the road? She wasn't wearing a seat-belt"

"What Are Donald Trump's favorite kind of nuts? Wall nuts."

"What music service do potatoes like to use? Spudify."

"What do you call a black guy who flies a plane? A pilot, you racist."