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Joke of the Day
"Twitter is my 'serious' account. My Bank account is the 'joke' one."
Next Joke
"You know why gay men make such easy prisoners to guard... Because most already have a whistling alarm for when they try to run."
"My boss told me to ""dress for the job you want, not the job you have."" Now I'm in a disciplinary meeting dressed as Batman."
"Just hit a white kid with dreadlocks with my car. He understood why."
"What has nine arms and sucks? Def Leppard"
"Sorry I didn't text you back, my hands are sore from karate chopping loaves of bread in half and feeding them to starving children all day."
"*sees a hot girl on the train* ""ay gurl check this out"" *i try to seductively eat a banana but i miss my mouth & smush it into my forehead*"
"What do you call a fly that literally can't even?"
"IF I HAD A NICKLE EVERY TIME A GOP OFFICIAL CALLED TRUMP'S BEHAVIOR ""UNACCEPTABLE"" BUT ACCEPTED HIM AS NOMINEE I COULD START A FAKE COLLEGE"
"Mosses did not parted the Red Sea. Chuck Norris did. The Bible got confused because Mosses and Chuck Norris sound so much alike."