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Joke of the Day

"Sorry I didn't text you back, my hands are sore from karate chopping loaves of bread in half and feeding them to starving children all day."

"Did you hear about the Muslim Party? It was a blast"

"A Muslim guy killed 50 people in a mass shooting... Who says they can't integrate into American culture?"

"Bob just couldn't nail his roll down.. .. So he just decided to screw it."

"What do you call a dog with no legs? Nothing, because he ain't coming over to you."

"The secret of getting ahead is... not having a rib."

"before x-rays doctors had to climb inside people and draw a picture of their bones. some still do"

"Did you hear about the librarian who wanted to get arrested? Turns out she just wanted to get booked."

"2 atoms walk into a bar One atom says to the other, ""Oh no, I've lost an electron!"" The other asks ""Are you sure?"" To which the atom replies, ""I'm positive!"""

"I asked my friend from New Zealand how many times he'd had sex... but he fell asleep before he could tell me."