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Joke of the Day

"Whats the first thing a woman does when she gets to the battered shelter? The dishes if she knows whats good for her."

"Why were the melons upset when they were denied a marriage license? Because it means they *cantaloupe*"

"No matter how kind you are.... German kids are kinder."

"Teenage daughter called me an old fart. We both laughed and then I changed the password to our wifi."

"Why are teachers happy at Halloween parties? Because there's lots of school spirit!"

"When a husband asks you if you think it's possible to love someone forever... ""If I find the right person"" is apparently the wrong answer."

"I went to a party as a pirate (oc) I went to a party as a pirate and met a girl dressed as a whale She wasn't into me You can say I walked the plankton"

"Harry: Want to see a magic trick? Voldemort: Let's see what you got Potter. Harry: Got your nose! Voldemort: You know I hate that game."

"Did you hear Lorraina Babbitt died in LA? She was on the highway and some dick cut her off."

"Every time I wear a suit I hear the same five words. ""Will the defendants please rise"""