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Joke of the Day
"I try to make good food, but it all turns to shit."
Next Joke
"TIL several states in the South banned calculus from schools in the 1950's. Apparently they opposed integration."
"I've been tweeting for 10 hours straight...and 3 hours gay."
"What's the difference between Martin Luther King Jr day and saint pattys day Everybody wants to be irish on saint pattys day."
"THEM: I have a story about that person. Someday when I'm drunk enough, I'll tell you. ME: [pulls bottle of wine from purse] Let's do this."
"Do you think the rattlesnake is ever embarrassed that he has a stupid baby toy at the end of his string body"
"A person receives a telegram informing him about his mother-in-law's death. It also enquires whether she should be buried or burnt. He replies ""Don't take chances. Burn the body and bury the ashes."""
"Me: so what are you wearing sexy? Collection agency: umm...we'll just call back tomorrow"
"What sort of shoes to ninjas wear? Sneakers."
"I know I'm getting old... the other day I walked past a cemetery and two guys attacked me with shovels."