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Joke of the Day

"I texted her ""Thankin bout ur butt"" I don't know how much more romantic you can be"

"Why did God create Adam before Eve? To give him a chance to say something."

"its all fun and games until someone loses an I?. then we cant play scrabble anymor"

"College: Now that you're making tons of money with your degree, please donate back to us every year Me: lol College: lol ikr?"

"My wife and I have an agreement with our 7 year old daughter Don't wake us up early on the weekend and we won't abandon you in a mall"

"What's the difference between a hippo and a zippo? One is heavy, and the other is a little lighter."

"lifeguard: can you describe the thing that touched you? me: yea...it was like a wet wind chime made out of wieners lifeguard: a squid?"

"Whenever I'm feeling really tired, I just watch the new Star Wars trailer... Because The Force Awakens me"

"According to the ""you snooze you lose"" principle insomnia makes us winners."

"I was up late last night watching Philadelphia with Tom Hanks... ...We were the finalists in a cream cheese staring competition."