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Joke of the Day

"I bet that Heimlich was just a perv who molested people from behind, and one time accidentally saved someone from choking."

"Reddit, I see your sick jokes and raise you sickipedia.org a huge database of sick jokes"

"I'm sorry to hear your uncle was run over by a boat in Venice while on vacation. My gondolences."

"Even better than breakfast cereal: Lunch cereal and dinner cereal."

"My boss told me not to bring my lunch to work in a brown paper bag. I told him that I'll drink my lunch how I want."

"A surgeon turns to his assistant, while operating, and says... ""Hey, it's the right or the left one?"" ""Are you serious?"" ""Just kiddneying!"""

"How do you describe eating just the right amount? Nom Nom Nominal"

"LASSIE: Arf! What's that girl? Timmy's in the old well? L: Arf arf He's dead? You sure? L: Arf! Okay here's a check for $5K L: ima need cash"

"What's the best way to eat a thanksgiving vegetable? Pick her up out of the wheelchair"

"Why is George Bush in bed every night by 9:10? Because nothing good happens after 9:11."