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Joke of the Day

"When you're addicted to keyboard shortcuts It might start off with just copying and pasting, but once you get into underlining it really starts to control you."

"I decided to give away all of my old batteries Free of charge"

"""You're on your own, kid."" - A Republican village."

"It takes a smoke detector 4 months to stop beeping if you were wondering how lazy I am."

"Don't you just hate it when people think there clever but use the wrong grammar?"

"There's a cricket living outside my apartment. I'm all ""Cricket, it's winter, shouldn't you die?"" and he's all ""Chirp!"" and we laugh."

"Why did the man bring his bed with him to the hospital? It's because he heard hospital beds have a high mortality rate."

"Waiter there's a fly in my soup! Don't worry sir the spider on the breadroll will get 'em."

"hi yes i'd like a vodka salad please ""you mean a bloody mary"" yeah yeah whatever just hurry it up"

"what did the doe say when she came out of the woods? I'm never doing THAT for two bucks again."