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Joke of the Day

"When I say I go to the gym religiously, that usually means every christmas and easter."

"What do you call a man with a blood-covered axe with necklaces made of fingers running towards you? Why the fuck are you still thinking what to call him? Run and get the cops!"

"When you see geese flying to warmer a climate ever wonder why one side of the V is longer? It's because that side has more geese."

"A crow once made plans to hang out with me, but he never showed up... ... because he got arrested for attempted murder."

"Mom: What are you hiding in there? -nuthin [Vin Diesel noises from closet] M: Is Vin Diesel in there? -...yes Vin Diesel: [from closet] No."

"The Counselor was greeting the new campers. 'So you decided to come to camp' she said to one. 'Nope' the camper answered. 'I was sent to camp!'"

"How do you make a gay man have sex with a woman? Shit in her cunt."

"FUN GAME: when someone tells you the name of their new baby, repeat it back to them, with their surname, and say ""Like the murderer?!"""

"I asked my Chinese girlfriend for a 69 last night. She said 'Fuck off, I'm not cooking at this time of night'"

"I long for the days when waking up with a ""stiff one"" wasn't referring to my lower back."