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Joke of the Day

"Hey, everyone in a minivan-- hit the gas!"

"Doctor Doctor I feel like a pair of curtains Well pull yourself together then"

"Sometimes I'll order a pizza without any toppings... When I'm feeling saucy."

"Where did the Knights of the Round Table park their horses? In the Sir Lance Lot"

"I lost my virginity to a mentally disabled girl last night I wanted my first time to be special."

"A dad joke which you can use.. Young Man: I've come to ask for your daughter's hand in marriage. Girl's Father: You've got to take all of her or it's no deal."

"Monday: forearms Wednesday: forearms Friday: forearms Sunday: forearms --Popeye's gym schedule"

"My lucky number is 4,000,000,000. Doesn't come in handy when you're gambling. Come on 4 billion... Fuck, 7. We need some more dice. 4 billion divided by 6, at least. -Mitch Hedberg"

"Why did the chicken nugget cross the road? To see the chicken strip!!!"

"Sure I'll send you a shirtless selfie. Just let me work out for 6 months real quick."