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Joke of the Day

"Did you ever blow bubbles as a kid? Well, he's back in town and wants your number"

"How do you make a cat go 'woof'? Douse it in gasoline and set it alight."

"A coworker told me I was a pedophile and said I probably had a van that said ""Free Candy"" on the side. I told him that would be pointless. My target demographic can't read yet."

"Sanders supporters are like... that kid in class that gets Fs and Ds the whole semester and then says ""If I get a 100 on the final I can still get a C"""

"Congratulations, Americans who write ""Cheers"" at the end of e-mails. You've found something even more pretentious than ""Sent from my iPhone"""

"how do you get a dog to stop humping your leg?? pick it up and suck its dick"

"Riddle me this, Batman. What do you find in an alley that has holes in it? ""M-my parents?"" ""No! A bowling ball! I'm so sorry..."""

"I went to see Jurassic World because I heard there was a recently genetically modified dinosaur... I didn't see Caitlyn Jenner anywhere"

"I broke up with my girlfriend, Ruth.. Now her friends call me ruthless. EDIT: Got hacked. Password and emailed changed, this post was changed to something else for a brief period by the hacker."

"The therapist told my wife and I not to go to bed angry... we haven't slept in 36 years."