110614

Joke of the Day

"I got in trouble with my date for not opening the car door for her... Instead I just swam for the surface"

"Rethink everything in your life if you're one of the 43,000 people making comments on an instagram photo of Kylie Jenner stretching."

"Do your socks have holes in them? No? Then how did you get them on?"

"Bum at the bus stop, lady walks up with dress up her crack, bum discretely pulls it out, lady slaps him, [hand gesture pushing it back into crack]"

"Hummingbirds I finally found out why hummingbirds hum They don't know the lyrics."

"I accidentally took 1 of my girlfriend's multivitamins for women & I've been looking at engagement rings & crying uncontrollably for 4 hours"

"Nigel: You said the school dentist would be painless but he wasn't. Teacher: Did he hurt you? Nigel: No but he screamed when I bit his finger."

"The mirrors in my house have been pretty sarcastic lately."

"Why is it fun to date teachers? Because if you don't get it right the first time they make you do it again ;)"

"What is the most sensitive part of your body when masturbating? Your ears"