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Joke of the Day

"CRIME SCENE me: four dots in his neck, i suspect two vampires british officer: what about that bloody fork me: this is no time to eat sir"

"If my calculations are correct, slinky + escalator = everlasting fun."

"If April showers bring May flowers, what does May bring? The pilgrims."

"Why did Helen Keller's dog run away? You would too if your name was ""adkwodrtrgfvnfif"""

"I will step on an old woman's face to get to my computer to thumbs down a bad song on Pandora."

"Which day do chickens hate the most? Friday."

"Where do Chinese people find work? On ChinkedIn of course. (I know the pun is racist but I had to share. Sorry.)"

"Did you hear about the cookie that was litterally made of nothing but grass and dirt? it was a real tuft cookie"

"Have a jewish friend who likes to make drinks. I have a Jewish friend who likes to make drinks. Hebrews them. Sorry if you expected a Jewish world war 2 joke, but I'm burnt out on those."

"I love my wife dearly, but she just used the word ""whatevs"" for the first time, so 17 years. It's been a good run."