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Joke of the Day

"CRIME SCENE me: four dots in his neck, i suspect two vampires british officer: what about that bloody fork me: this is no time to eat sir"

"I went into a cafe and said, "" A crocodile sandwich and make it snappy."""

"There are two types of people in life... Those who think there are two types of people in life and the rest."

"Why do weathermen name hurricanes after women? Because when they come they're wet and wild and when they leave they take your house and car with them."

"My shirt is 40% linen... I guess the other 60% is McCartney, Harrison and Starr."

"A woman in labor is screaming profanities at her husband from her hospital bed. He says, ""Hey, don't blame me! I wanted to stick it in your ass but NO, you said that might hurt!"""

"I think my calculator is broken... The only numbers that seem to work are 1, 3, 5, 7, and 9. It's very odd."

"In my math homework I was asked what's the difference a racist and a mathematician. I need help solving this equation, maybe one of you could ask one of your Asian friends for me?"

"How much does funeral insurance cost Enough to put you in so much debt you need to dig your way out Alternatively: an arm and a leg"

"Have I ever taught you South american Judo? Judo know if I have a knife, Judo know if I got a gun."