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Joke of the Day

"Granny, pay attention and don't panic. I need you to think hard and tell me how many brownies you ate out of the blue pan."

"*a tree branch bursts into a bank with a gun* ""THIS IS A STICK UP"" *everyone laughs* ""GUYS IM SERIOUS"" *more laughter* ""DAMN IT"" *leaves*"

"What is the best place for politicians? Election posters. There they are portable, silent and easy to remove."

"What do you have when you have two balls in your hand? A man's undivided attention!"

"What does Monica Lewinsky and a soda machine have in common? They both say ""insert Bill here"""

"How would you rate an average upholstery job upon completion? Eh. Sew-sew."

"How many therapists does it take to change a lightbulb? One, but he/she has to want to change."

"How many babies does it take to paint a wall? It depends on how hard you throw them."

"The boy is putting whipped cream on the cat. I think he may have overheard a conversation he didn't understand quite so well."

"Making an analogy that references itself is like good word play. You don't do it anytime you want. You have to have a good reason to go metaphor."