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Joke of the Day

"Did you hear about the all-leper boxing world championship final I hear it was a real face off in the second round"

"Make like my dick... and fuck your mother."

"My college girlfriend texted me for the first time in 10 years this weekend and I'm 1 million percent sure this is Adele's fault"

"centipede: *trips* *but for like, an hour*"

"First they came for the fat, whiny losers, and I said nothing, because they got me immediately. I was like the first person they got."

"I haven't spoken to my wife in three weeks. She told me not to interrupt her."

"It's a good thing the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles wore masks, or people might have recognized the 4 giant turtles at their day jobs."

"Heard this one from my 8 year old and couldn't stop laughing Q: Who made King Arthur's table round? A: Sir Cumference"

"I have one of those unlimited cell phone plans. There's no limit to how much they can charge me."

"People say I'm disagreeable They're all wrong"