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Joke of the Day

"Why was the chicken kicked out of class? For using *fowl* language."

"An alpaca made me an offer I couldn't refuse. I guess it was an Alpac'ino."

"A blonde's house is on fire. She runs outside and yells ""Help me! My house is on fire! What do I do?!"" Someone else yells ""Call 911!"" The blonde yells back ""What's the number?"""

"Why are teenage girls so much better at English than boys? Girls, like, have a much better, like, grasp of, like, similes."

"What's the difference between Dubai and Abu Dhabi? Dubai doesn't like the Flinstones but Abu Dhabi do"

"How are martinis like breasts? They are better shaken, not stirred. I usually have one in my hand. One is too few and three are two many."

"People ask if I saw any 'Red Flags'... Well, I was an anarcho-capitalist and she was a Hoxhaist..."

"This self checkout lane has the sexiest cashier."

"My friend works at subway... I guess you could say she'll really be rolling in the DOUGH."

"I only have 4 months left on that mirror I broke in 2005."