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Joke of the Day

"One time I did mushrooms and played GTA and felt regret for the lives I was taking I was all ""Holy shit these people have families"""

"Did you hear about the Vatican's new navy? It's the latest in Christian warship."

"Denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance: the five stages of me hitting the snooze button in the morning."

"So I slept right through the blood moon event this morning, I'm more of a crip moon guy anyway."

"Open your mind before your mouth."

"What's the worst thing you can do to a blind person? Leave the plunger in the toilet."

"What do Oranges and Apples have in common? They're both orange except for the Apple."

"What do you call a bird that has been molested? Rustled Crow"

"I've stepped on a Lego before so I'm calling bullshit on Godzilla and King Kong being that difficult to take down"

"What's the difference between a dirty bus stop and a lobster with breast implants? One is a crusty bus station and the other is a busty crustacean."