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Joke of the Day

"Went out for a jog today Thought I heard someone clapping for me. Turns out it was just my fat thighs."

"How many donald trumps does it take to screw in a lightbulb? Just one. He holds it up and the world revolves around him"

"I am not paying for a full year membership at the Y when I only need the pool long enough to hold one hamster Viking funeral."

"Overheard a woman telling another woman ""It's $150 and she supplies all the turtles"" and whatever it is, I'm in."

"Knock, Knock... Who's there? The Gestapo. Gestapo who? Ve ask ze questions, schwein."

"What did the dyslexic traveller say when he arrived at an unknown station? Whoops, wrong sub."

"How do you get a fat chick in bed? A piece of cake."

"You can't change a person unless they wear adult diapers"

"Scientists Have Isolated a Single Unit of Potato and Taught it to Use 4chan They've named the project Channing Tatum."

"What's the difference between a prostitute and a crack dealer? A prostitute can just wash her crack and use it again"