110042

Joke of the Day

"You know that really private/embarrassing stuff you say to your girlfriend when no one else is around? Her friends know all that shit."

"No matter how hard you push the envelope It still remains stationery"

"The thing about insomnia is 372 raised swirl patterns on the ceiling."

"I went on a diet for 10 days. You know what I lost? 10 Days"

"What does a Muslim with allergies say? Al-achoo Akbar."

"Ppl freakin cuz its sharks in the ocean. News flash: that's where they live! If u see them at Chipotle, then we have a problem"

"What did the poker dealer say to LMFAO? Everyday I'm shufflin'."

"Donald Trump is the president elect of the United States. I am still not sure if it belongs here or in r/politics (?)"

"How do you start an earthquake in East Africa? Shake Djibouti."

"wife: We really need to start teaching 9 some manners me: *shoving an entire Pop-Tart in my mouth and spitting crumbs everywhere* I agree"