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Joke of the Day

"What did the liberal say to the chicken? Nothing. He's dead. He was shot and killed in a home invasion and did not have any guns to defend himself. Sarah Palin 2016"

"What do you call a man wearing two rain jackets? Max"

"Is it ""lying in a puddle of blood"" or ""laying in a puddle of blood?"" Lol who knows, but yeah seriously, send an ambulance right away."

"Why does Starbux call it an Oprah chai? Does it taste like Gayle?"

"Next season on Game of Thrones they're actually going to come to your house and start killing the people watching."

"Magician: I need a volunteer. [man stands] Not you. [woman stands] Not you. GARY GET UP HERE! [Gary goes up] We've never met before, right?"

"I'm a kleptomaniac It's ok though, I'm taking something for it"

"Im gonna tell my daughter to lay off the liquor, cause I love her! (...and I dont want her to mess up her kidneys before I need one)"

"It's been a week since my wife went missing. The police told me to expect the worst. So I took her things back out of the garbage bin."

"A man walks into a psychologists office... wearing nothing but saran wrap. The psychologist says ""It's a good thing you came. I can clearly see your nuts"""