110025

Joke of the Day

"[arrives at sales meeting with giraffe I bought last month] ""Ok, did everyone bring a graph tracking your activity this month?"" ME: uh oh"

"What's a Jedi's favorite brand of vodka? Skyy. Only Sith deal in Absolut."

"How do you make a hormone? Pay well, and give her the best time you can."

"heard about the toilet that quit his job? he was tired of dealing with that shit every day"

"Imagine if people still used typewriters! We'd have to sit in a giant circle and throw pieces of paper at each other."

"This girl came up to me today and said she recognized me from the vegetarian club. I was confused. I never met herbivore."

"My roommate said he was going to quite masterbating I asked how that was going. He said, ""I don't know man I just haven't been feeling myself."""

"Advice in elections How do you win an election? By giving out candy"

"Did you hear about the baby born with no eyelids? They used his circumcised foreskin to surgically replace his eyelids. The surgery was a success although he is a little Cock-eyed"

"Him: I really like your car Me: Thanks! H: What is it? Me: Uh......black?"