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Joke of the Day

"I've been debating with myself about masturbating... On one hand it feels great... Edit: Thanks Bo"

"That awkward moment when you gently throw your phone onto your bed and it decides to bounce off 3 walls, hit a lamp, and kill your mum."

"How do you get certified as an interior decorator? You don't pull out"

"[helping kid w/math] What is 0.1 as a fraction? ""One tenth?"" Good, now what does 10% mean? ""Battery low, plug in your phone?"" Perfect"

"Where do shapes go to pay for their crimes? A prism."

"How did the fruits get married? They Cantaeloped!"

"I love people I can get weird with."

"Q: How do you get 2 piccolos to play a perfect unison? A: Shoot one."

"Chimney Whats the difference between Santa Claus and a Jew? Santa Claus goes down the chimney"

"A woman in labor is in pain and screaming profanity at her husband from her hospital bed. He says, ""Hey, don't blame me! I wanted to stick it in your ass, but N-O-O-O-O, you said that might hurt!"""