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Joke of the Day

"What is the worst part about locking your keys inside your car outside an abortion clinic? Having to go inside and asking for a coat hanger."

"[orders pizza] Would you also like our cheesy bread, comes with sauce? Are you trying to sell me a side of pizza with my pizza? 2 please."

"I haven't spoken to my girlfriend in months. I don't want to interrupt her."

"Brain: You've got ONE shot at this. Me: Ready. Brain: Go talk to her. ""YOUR HAIR IS THE COLOR OF HONEY CAN I TASTE IT?!?"" Brain: Magical!"

"You prefer white wine over red? For god's sake, try and see the world with some claret-y"

"But my sandwich is so dry! ""Sorry sir, that's not what we do here at the Mayo Clinic."""

"kk People who write kk instead of Okay or OK are 66.67% white supremacists."

"What was the only thing missing from phil hughes' last innings???? -a duck"

"I would never exaggerate... ...in a million years."

"I paid $10 and got $20 worth of fishing supplies. It was a net gain."