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Joke of the Day

"When ""Tickle Me Elmo"" was a big deal, there had to be a quality assurance department... Imagine, a whole group of people whose job was to test tickles."

"bad feelings when others left home they are thinking: did i closed the window... did i closed the fridge...? when i left home: did i delete my history?"

"i remember most of the fatalities from mortal kombat 2 but i can never remember which knob turns on my windshield wipers"

"I learned most of what I know about dropping pianos on people from cartoons."

"Leading causes of cancer: 1. Smoking 2. Aging 3. Radiation 4. Diet 5. WebMD"

"It was awkward when she said, ""And yet your feet are so big."""

"How do you re-use a condom? Turn it inside out, and shake the fuck out of it."

"My local post office uses four checkouts unless it's really busy; then they use one."

"Whenever I lose a follower I assume they died and the family had the account removed, because hello! I'm amazing!!"

"Randomly print things to give your co-workers the impression you're working."