140556

Joke of the Day

"Whenever I lose a follower I assume they died and the family had the account removed, because hello! I'm amazing!!"

"Did you hear about the clam that could play violin? It had excellent mussel memory."

"definately - Used when absolutely certain a guy named Nate is involved."

"I told a Catholic girl my penis is named Jesus... ...because it always rises on the third date."

"What do you call a black man flying a plane? A pilot, you racist fuck."

"Well-known lodging chain announced it was creating a line of nofrills hotels. The only way you'll see a chocolate on the pillow now is if the last guest was eating an M&M."

"How do you start a rave in Ethiopia? you nail food to the ceiling"

"Girlfriend's mascara died and I gave it a funeral, you know what they say... Lashes to lashes and dust to dust."

"I just got one of those workout watches apparently i've masturbated 5.8 miles today"

"Did you hear the one about Jerry Sandusky molesting kids? If not, it's okay - neither did the Police."