10903

Joke of the Day

"*scrolls ur TL* *finds ur tweet from 2 yrs ago.* *eerily similar to mine from day before* ""She stole my tweet AND built a time machine?!"""

"What do you call a Filipino yoga instructor? A Manila Folder."

"2yo's favorite cartoon is teaching him about centrifugal force. When I was little, my favorite cartoon taught me never to order from Acme."

"I have been playing DotA2 all day... My whole dagon"

"My idea of heaven consists of all of the things I'd go to hell for."

"Why black people are so tall ? Because they're/their kNEe GROwS."

"Pacman: I feel like a woman trapped in a man's body! I want the procedure, doc. Dr.: Very well. Just relax.. *puts bow on Pacman's head"

"Love is patient. Love is kind. Love has never been in a relationship apparently."

"Who is your Grandma's favorite politician? Bernie Sandmaster Flash"

"You're just like my little toe, because I'm going to bang you on every piece of furniture in my home."