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Joke of the Day
"What is the shortest street in the universe? Planckstrasse"
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"TIL Doug Liman will be directing an adaptation of the Passion story for 2017, with Matt Damon as Jesus Christ. Bourne is the King of Israel!"
"Why don't Jewish men eat pussy? Because it's too close to the gas chamber."
"When people ask me how old I am, I always say 45. They all think I look AMAZING for my age."
"What do we want? TO BE LESS INSECURE? When do we want it? NOW! Um, I think... Soon, I guess? Is that weird? When do people usually want it?"
"if you want a woman to settle down with you be a cat"
"[at dentist office] Well you gave me this paper bib and said to put it on how was I to know I wasn't supposed to undress first"
"Repeatedly referring to the electrician as a ""take charge kind of guy"" is a great way to make your doorbell turn on the garbage disposal."
"""Do you need a ride?"" Me, to every jogger I pass in my car"
"What's a pedophile's favorite pair of shoes? White Vans."