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Joke of the Day

"[final debate] TRUMP: I'd like to apologize to hillary MODERATOR: umm ok HILLARY: umm ok TRUMP: I brought a gift *hands her a galaxy note 7*"

"bay: come over me: no you're a broad inlet of the sea where the land curves inward bay: my parents aren't home me: how are you talking"

"So my friend's bakery burned down yesterday... His business is toast."

"It seems like everything is made in China... ...except for babies. They're made in VaChina"

"How do skateboarders see? So gnar"

"Never trust an atom. They make up everything."

"People think stage diving is dangerous, but not me. Because humans are made out of 95% water. So the audience is 5% away from being a pool."

"Michael Cera, too timid to send his food back even though he's allergic to almonds, eats a meal and politely goes into anaphylactic shock."

"what do you do with someone that is having a seizure in a bathtub? Throw in a load of laundry."

"How do vampire football players get the mud off? They all get in the bat-tub."