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Joke of the Day

"I realized that my parents can be proud of my strict upbringing when I tripped and fell down the whole staircase shouting ""OUCH, OUCH! It hurts!""."

"What do you say when the yoga teacher tells you to leave class for no reason? Nah, I'mma stay."

"My dad said the key to a good marriage is ""never go to bed mad."" Then he said ""In fact, never go to bed at all!"" and handed me a bag of meth"

"How does Luke Skywalker get through the forest? Ewoks"

"I am 38, last night i was out with my 19 y.o. girlfriend and someone yelled ""paedophile!"" ... It completely ruined our 10 year anniversary."

"Why did the stand up comic quit comedy to become a obstetrician? He needed to work on his delivery."

"What's the difference between a nun and a woman in a bathtub? The nun has hope in her soul."

"My mom learning how to use twitter is like the raptors figuring out how to open doors in Jurassic Park."

"[determined not to have any awkward silence during date] ""so, what's your favorite part of a banana?"""

"How many Mexicans does it take to screw in a lightbulb Juan."