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Joke of the Day

"Who let the dogs out? Chuck Norris let the dogs out...... and then roundhouse kicked them through an Oldsmobile."

"Remember when AOL was the shit? Then it sucked. Myspace was the shit. Then sucked. Facebook was the shit. Then sucked. Twitter is the shit!"

"My favorite oxymorons: 1. Jumbo shrimp. 2. Act natural. 3. Boneless ribs. 4. Civil war. 5. Freezer burn. 6. Adult male. 7. Happy marriage."

"What's the difference between driving a Volvo and putting your hand down the front of Donald Trumps trousers? You feel a bigger dick driving a Volvo"

"I fell in love with a prostitute last night, she had literally everything I have ever wanted in a woman My dick"

"BestBuy guy: ""Do you have a 'first-generation' iPod?"" Me: ""I guess so. It came on a boat from China. It doesn't have an accent or anything."""

"Girl are you a tube of Pillsbury cinnamon rolls because I want to bang you on the counter"

"Show me a man with both feet firmly on the ground And I'll show you a man who can't get his pants off."

"Imagine if things had been reversed. We'd be eating Lou Gehrig candy bars and getting Babe Ruth's disease."

"My dad was cutting up onions and I started tearing up. Onions was a great dog. :'("