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Joke of the Day

"I went to the doctor last week for a bad headache When he reached for his pen to write my prescription, he pulled out a rectal thermometer. ""Shit"", he said, ""Some asshole has my pen."""

"What did Santa say when big old fat uncle Alfred came round to chat? Nice to *sleigh* you!"

"What did the elephant say to the man? Cute, but how do you pick up peanuts with it?"

"I like the sound of you not talking."

"The fact Michael Jackson had to ask Annie if she was OK nearly 100 times in four minutes makes me think she probably wasn't OK."

"I've come to accept the fact that I'm quite vain. On a vanity scale of 1-10 I'm about a 6. . . A sexy six."

"What do you call a tornado holding a spork? The Mersenne Twister."

"Parenting tip: Unplug the microwave before dropping acid because you'll inevitably put the baby in there for safe keeping."

"I like dating black girls... Because I don't have to meet their dad."

"If I hear another conversation about that stupid dress... I'm going to beat them until they're white and gold."