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Joke of the Day

"TIL that semantics is a contraction of ""Semite Antics"" That's not true, I made that up just now. You are a racist."

"My neighbors listen to great music... whether they like it or not."

"I'm very popular at the gym. Girls always approach saying things like, ""Hey, this is the women's locker room."""

"Interviewer: What's your greatest strength? Potential employee: Shape shifting. Interviewer: Really? Interviewer: Yes. Interviewer: Shit."

"Why does John Cena always take awhile to feel better when he's sick? Because the Doctor can never see him."

"What do you call a bear that likes men when it's happy and women when it's sad? A Bipolar Bear"

"Cat owner : wow my pet cat really likes you Me: yeah well that's just because I have at least 2 sardines in my left pocket at any given time"

"A tiny island deep in the Indian Ocean called Shiffer has the dumbest people in the world... It's why when you do something really stupid they say you have ""Shiffer brains"" - Johnny Carson."

"Why is the computer so aggressive? It bytes"

"""I'm so sorry"", I go around whispering to people who've just woken up from a coma."