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Joke of the Day

"My kids and this punchline have a lot in common. They're both a disappointment."

"Me: OK bedtime Mind: Hey let's think about stuff Me: No, sleep Mind: OK here are some horrible memories you want to forget Me: FUUUUUUUCK"

"I used to be a necrophiliac... til the rotten cunt split on me"

"So Samsung released a new knife! Its brand new cutting-edge technology"

"If I ever got into the plastic surgery business I would call my company ""Breast Buy""."

"Husband: ""Honey, at work I fainted, and Natalie took me to the doctor. He says I need a brain surgery in 72 hours and blood transfusion also."" Wife: ""Who is Natalie?"""

"You couldn't even imagine how good I am at taking a fake phone call to get out of a boring conversation. It's Oscar worthy."

"Don't sell yourself short, in fact, don't sell yourself at all. I'm pretty sure it's illegal"

"I don't think my blind date was blind, she read the menu and caught the basketball I threw at her"

"Knock, knock Who's there? Little old lady. Little old lady who? I didn't know you knew how to yodel!"